Sat 15 Jan
So, two weeks of skiing before I finally quit Big Blue.
First I shut down a year's time-wasting conversation, with some relief, and do not anticipate any interesting encounters, nor distractions from skiing. This proves to be wrong, in a really good way, though not for discussion here.
This is about skiing, OK? Specifically telemark skiing. A week in Zinal and a week in Lenzerheide, getting better at it. There was nothing noteworthy in the Saturday travelling, so we can skip that and move on to the venue.
Sun 16 Jan - Zinal
It is perfect spring skiing weather - though it's January - this is a bonus, and Ian Johnston is instructing - super bonus.
I remembered quite a lot from Ian's coaching in Hintertux in November, but this time he added a few new images - e.g. skiing in the style of John Wayne, and (shout it) showing the base of your skis to the roaring crowd - which I really like. Skied tele all the time after lunch and got whistles and claps from a large group at the side of the piste - how gratifying!
The hotel has no wiFi - I spend a fortune on data roaming which IBM will discover in about 2 months time.
Mon 17 Jan
I remember to email Doug Kemp a Happy Birthday for his 50th. It's a pity I couldn't get the photo of us being Mary & Joseph in the school Nativity Play when we were 6, so I send him an especially charming picture of snowy mountains and hope that he is having as nice a day as I am.
Another lovely sunny day with perfect skiing conditions - or as perfect as you get without fresh snow the night before. If you get in the right spot, you can just see the back of the Matterhorn -it's round the corner .
- teles with forcing the uphill ski out in a reverse plough (aims to correct wedging the turn)
- slide stepping and rotating in a narrow corridor on steep slopes
There are lots of people out parapenting (?) from the top of the hill. This is jumping off a mountain with a parachute attached to your back and wearing skis, but then not actually skiing.
It's a really good day with lots of progress. I can't believe I'm doing linked tele turns on moderately steep slopes - this is such a step forward from November - maybe it's the weather?
Tue 18 Jan
I am now 50 - as several people text and email to remind me (thanks anyway). It is lovely sunny weather and great skiing. This time we take the bus round to Grimentz, though some of the off-piste group ski over there (it is pretty horrible apparently, with large chunks of ice welded together creating an major obstacle course).
Once we've gone up a couple of chairs to the top, the views are stupendous.
Ian makes us do so many different exercises that I can't remember them all, but it seems to work, as I am managing tele turns far better than before (not brilliantly, but significantly improved). Ian takes hundreds of photos as we cavort for the camera. (I'm really envious of that motorised Nikon).
In the afternoon, Ian persuades me to ski down the steep red to get to the bar - this is the kind of run where if you fell over you know that there's be no avoiding a 500m slide to the bottom and into the car park before you could stop - so it's much faster than going down in the gondola, hence we get to the bar first and have to buy the drinks. In the bar I bump into an IBM colleague. The vin chaud is white, rather than the usual red - basically wine heated up with honey and a piece of orange and is vile.
On the way back I explore the Supermarche and buy some Swiss plugs - intending to start on re-wiring a few electrical items before they're packed into my shipping container.
Wednesday 19 Jan
Grimentz again - it is still sunny but much colder, so something of a test for the Skins thermal version baselayer.
The highlight of the day is in the afternoon when Ian's three ski from the top to the bottom chair in telemark mode without stopping. Ok there were many imperfect turns, but we managed to deal with every slope without slipping into flatfoot or stopping. As a rest, we go back up to ski it all again parallel. The sky turns entirely grey and we can no longer see the snow by the time we get down to the bar at 4pm.
Back at Hotel Le Besso, my bedroom is freezing - there's no heating in the bathroom and the maid has decided to leave the balcony door open all day even though it is -7.
Fri 21 Jan
Today I am skiing with Bonnie and Anna to get in a bit of practice before next week's off-piste course in Lenzerheide.
Surprisingly, I am not so chilled as to forget to phone my mother to wish her a Happy important Birthday. She did not remember to wish me the same. Parents! (sigh).
The last day in Zinal; tomorrow I move on to Lenzerheide.
Sat 22 Jan - Don't talk to me about camper vans….
Ian is giving me a lift over to Lenzerheide in his VW camper van, which should be a lot better than dragging all my gear on 4 trains and a bus etc. When we start off after breakfast, it is extremely cold and the van doesn't warm up or show any sign of providing heating even once we've got down off the mountain and to Vissoie. We stop in a cafe forecourt (this will be the first of many such stops) and Ian dives under the van to probe hoses and shake out lumps of frozen -30 degrees antifreeze (this is not supposed to happen). After refilling the cooling system a few times, about 20 mins later, off we go again.
Heating! Hooray. It lasts about 3 mins and then goes cold - which indicates that water isn't circulating around the heating loop and we agree that it must be an airlock somewhere, but why is the expansion chamber acting like a fountain ie boiling and where is all the water we put in going to? We get as far as the Furka car on train tunnel and join the queue. By now I am wrapped in a brown furry rug which I pre-warm over the boiling engine whilst Ian pours even more water into the cooling system.
When we get the van on the train, the journey through the tunnel is surreal - it is unlit and like being in a tube tunnel. We emerge after 15 minutes into glorious sunshine and carry on towards Andermatt. We pass hundreds of people out cross-country skiing and I am more enthusiastic about moving to Switzerland. Even the van heating is working - so everything looks good.
Of course it doesn't last and we have to stop yet again and deal with the boiling water exploding out of the expansion bottle. It could get boring couldn't it? but instead it gets worse. We get onto the A4/E41 heading towards Zurich, with still 100 miles to go and the sky is going grey. Suddenly Ian spots a puff of smoke bursting from the exhaust and pulls on to the hard shoulder. The van is going no further today. It is incredibly cold inside, but something hot and terrible has happened under the bonnet.
There is a long saga of calls to various rescue services - none of which are willing to rescue us even if I pretend to be in labour. The satnav is suggesting we call TCS (the Swiss version of the AA), but first Ian has to find out where we are (as no rescue service believes we're at point x on road y). He goes off to look for the police phone, as you'd assume that the Police will know where their motorway phones are located.
It is very dark and snowing and I am reminded of those horror films where a van breaks down on a lonely road and one person goes off to seek help whilst the other stays with the vehicle and is generally killed/attacked by a vampire/alien/taken over by some evil presence etc.
When Ian returns it is to relate that the Swiss Police don't know where their own phone is and therefore don't know where we are, so he has to locate a marker sign which is in the middle of the motorway and covered in snow. However, the bloke from Huddersfield who took the call does get the rescue service out. It is TCS who appear in about 10 mins and I frown warningly at the satnav in case it remarks "Well you should have called them straight away as I suggested". So 2 hours after the van gave up, it is diagnosed as having a blown cylinder head gasket - No! surely this should not happen twice in my lifetime? and must be towed away to a garage in Rotkreuz - red cross for vans perhaps. The garage gets its priorities right - coffee, looks up the train times and routes for getting from where we are to Lenzerheide, moves our gear into an estate car, tells Ian that the repair will be staggeringly expensive, and takes us to the local station. Alcohol is now essential, which the barman in the surprisingly civilised station caff recognises immediately.
Two trains and a bus later, we drag our gear into the hotel at 22:30. There is food and drink and it is warm. Say hello to John and meet Paul (Adler) - also a KM consultant. Laurence (Dunn) is somewhere doing something internetty. Andrea (Moffat) and Bonnie (Masson) have gone to their beds.
Sun 23 Jan
It is a small group - only 5 clients (of great character), but 3 instructors.
Wow, brilliant sun and loads of snow. I am with ex-Marine Mark (Da Silva) with Ian instructing, for the Off Piste Performance course.
I am loaded up with off piste gear and too many clothes. If I fall on my front some internal organ and a rib or two will probably be badly injured by safety gear.
We go up the Statzertali chair and play in an untouched bowl of powder hidden near run 52. It is wonderful and remains completely empty the whole week.
We also spend some time playing hunt the buried transceiver and digging.
Andrea injures her thumb - which is not good news on the first day.
Stop off at the rather antiseptic apres ski bakery for a glass of gluwein.
Only one laptop out of 5 laptops, an iPad and several phones manages to get on the hotel wifi. So no internet access AGAIN.
A large and unattended bowl of crisps is commandeered at about 22:45.
Mon 24 Jan
Not sunny, but also less cold. Laurence is wearing his helmet-cam - I wonder briefly whether he wears it in the operating theatre too. Later he falls by the wayside with a twisted ankle, though a bit of white duct tape seems to sort it out:
Andrea's thumb has to be taken to the doctor, and it turns out that she needs an operation to re-fix a bit of bone and ligament.
2 down 3 to go…..
Three times Mark and I ski the powder bowl - although we cannot see more than a few metres ahead and fall over a few times, it is really fun. We are trying to apply what we've learning on piste to the off piste - with some success.
After dinner, a late session which sees the barman leaving the wine with us when he goes home - very sweet of him.
Tuesday 25 Jan
Grey skies again at the start, but it's warmed up. We head off over to Alp Nova as we're planning to go to the rosti restaurant for lunch (obviously getting the important things sorted out first). At the top we start with practicing side-slipping on the black run - which isn't too bad as most of it is invisible in the cloud so I have no real appreciation of how far I might fall. All the time Ian is looking out for scraps of off piste to play in. We end up diving off an edge into trees and deep snow. We ski all the way down, round trees and rocks and over bumps - Ian videos us coming down a decent section of powder. We must have used every technique we've ever learned I think. I do not fall over, I merely sit down suddenly for a rest from time to time.
We spend the entire morning enjoying the off piste, whist the sky brightens steadily. I am anticipating the huge rosti portion I need for refuelling.
Too full to ski after lunch, so slid home and slept.
At dinner, Andrea has to be fed by John:
Wed 26 Jan - it's a Day 4 scenario
My skiing went to pieces entirely - one of those days when you wonder how you can end up skiing worse than you did two weeks ago. I blame the pole planting. After lunch, whilst we're playing in the powder bowl, Mark makes a lovely video of me falling over and doing exaggerated thrashing about in the snow, which everyone else sees before I do.
The more advanced group also skied badly and then moaned about having to wait ages for lunch. Paul claims that he's utterly knackered and was drawn like a magnet to a big rock - which was the fall of the day, apparently.
The good news is that Andrea's thumb is going to be operated on in the morning by the Swiss NHS. She is astonishingly cheerful considering she's unable to ski.
Thur 27 Jan - love that camera, baby!
Woke up to clear skies - it looked as though it would be a perfect skiing and filming day - and so it was. I fuel up with an extra croissant.
The big boys left with John and Bonnie to do a multi-peak tour, and return with some decent videos.
Ian's pair went over to the favourite powder bowl to warm up and made a few new tracks. Then we negotiated an interestingly ad hoc off piste route down to the road to cross over to the Rothorn side of the valley at Parpan and took the Heimberg chair up. Going up this route we pass the long piste being prepared for the World Cup in March - whoever designed it must be a sadist. Long queue for an early lunch and then up to the top of the Rothorn and over the back to play in more untouched powder.
We gradually work our way down towards Valbella through the trees. How Ian manages to tele on this stuff I do not know, but he sets us a great example. He films me jumping between two trees.
Andrea is back post-operation and has to spend the next couple of weeks holding her arm in the air like a Chinese lucky cat.
Tonight will be Cage Bar night (Slalom Bar, Valbella - sorry no URL) pizza first, and then a very long session involving Jagermeister. The game of hammering nails into a tree trunk with the wrong side of a hammer is surrounded by a crowd and at intervals the loser stands the entire bar a shot. The music's good and at midnight the staff set the fire to the bar. I doubt if anyone remembers getting back to the hotel, though I vaguely recall staggering up the middle of the road and it continues to be a good night.
Friday 28 Jan - "you're not here for the hunting are you?"
Meeting for Breakfast at 9.45, everyone except Bonnie is rather subdued. There's not much enthusiasm for skiing, however, it is another beautiful day, and not to be wasted. Paul and Laurence and I dawdle down to the bus to the teleferique and go up to the top of the Rothorn. We've planned to meet up with Andrea at 2pm, but after one run down and re-gaining the top of the Rothorn, it is 12:15 and, we feel, time for recovery in the restaurant - Andrea is summoned to join us. I have a large and undeserved portion of rosti with everything on it and admire the panoramic views.
Meanwhile, Ian is being made to do something unreasonably tough by John (who wisely left the Cage Bar early and therefore wasn't obliged to drink the Jagermeister shots). "it was outrageous - the steepest thing I've ever skied - even John fell over twice".
Somehow, I end up getting back to the hotel via sliding down a mud route again. (Laurence's navigation this time). A warm and sleepy afternoon, and yet another after dinner session in the bar, involving bear, hunter, and silver-backed gorilla jokes and thumb empathy.
Sat 29 Jan
Andrea can only use one arm, so getting our bags and skis onto/off buses and trains is a bit of a challenge. I can barely lift the two ski bags, but we manage ok with much laughter. Andrea does her interpretation of a Chinese lucky cat again whilst I wheel the trolley with two bags and two lots of skis. We need some time in the Zurich Airport restaurant to recover.
The tediously slow journey home by tube, brings me back to a high street that's turned pink - for Valentine's Day. I want to escape immediately, but find solace in a takeaway curry.
In the IBM office on Monday, as I prepare to hand back my laptop, I bump into the same colleague whom I encountered in the bar in Zinal. It is slightly surreal.
